This insanewich contains four big, greasy faux hawk-wearing, fist-pumping Italian meatballs with way too much cheese spewing from their mouths all on an overcrowded bun! They think they’re studs, but really, they’re only studded with garlic. They’re fully sauced and ready to go with a side of hair gel. And for dessert? What else? … Four trashy tarts with lipstick. What could be better than this guido feast!
AKA the “Douche Baguette”, this guido sanguich contains greasy Italian meatballs, salami, provolone cheese, and is topped with way too much saucy attitude. It’s served with cheap cologne and a fake gold chain on the side. It’ll be scarfed down by young, faux hawk-wearing Italian-American types who love techno beats and frequent dance clubs.
Can you see him fumbling in from the club and into his Ma’s basement at 3 am? He’s reeking of smokes, that cheap cologne and stale beer. He’s grabbed that sanguich from the fridge (his Ma made it earlier), and then takes a sloppy bite. One of those greasy meatballs rolls off and lands on the popped-up collar of his $200 shirt. “Ma!” he yells, waking his Mother, “How do ya wash this?!”
My gawd, dude. You stink! It’s about time you showered, shaved, and combed your hair. Then throw back this spaghetti and greaseball sandwich and hit the clubs. And if you got no time, hey, eat and shave at once. This Greaseball’s got spaghetti and meatballs on Italian bread with parmesan cheese fried right into the crust. Badda Bing!
Spam and eggs has been done before. But how ’bout spam and eggplant? AKA the “Waspy Mobster,” this one is especially for those gangsters who can’t be “made” because their lineage isn’t traceable to the old country. It’s made from breaded, fried eggplant, a hunk of Spam, mozzarella cheese, tomato sauce and fresh-grated parmesan. It comes with Spam fries.
If your Dad’s Italian and your Mom’s a